Brian May And Friends - Star Fleet Project (EMI)

Star Fleet is the name of a puppet series on TV about a band of intrepid space heroes fighting off some ghastly enemies. Maybe Queen's Brian May and friends are the ghastly enemies. No one who makes a record this bad is a friend. (Paul Bursche, No 1, October 22, 1983

Who Cares - Doctor In Distress (Record Shack)

The aptly-named Who Cares? are yet another Band Aid-style collective of almost-popstars with social consciences. The aim behind this one, however, is to persuade the BBC not to axe the Doctor Who series. Subversive, huh? All profits go to Cancer Relief. And the record? Suffice to say that the brain behind it should be given a lobotomy. (Dave Ling, No 1, April 6, 1985)