Shakin' Stevens - Merry Christmas Everyone (Epic)

Shaky Seems to have been rocking around that old clock for quite a while now. But still he keeps 'em coming. Naturally enough, "Merry Christmas Everyone" is one of those characteristic Christmas songs that once heard is never remembered. Dreadful unto its dying chords, it's amazing the dross that Dave Edmunds (in the guise of producer) is prepared to associate himself with these days. Still, whatever I say won't prevent it from being a massive hit. Trying to ensure otherwise would be like trying to blow out a searchlight. Hopeless. (Mike Morris, No 1, December 14, 1985)

This one leaves me cold. Shaky's on thin ice here, as he skates through a precarious rocking rendition of Xmas tidings, complete with doo wops and sleigh bells. Someone definitely left the sixpence out of this one. (Diane Cross, Record Mirror, December 7, 1985)

A stunningly original concept! I can't help thinking that Shaky would sing "The Red Flag" if his record company thought it would make him a few more bob. The great Dave Edmunds produced this record - can't hear him though! (Captain Sensible, No 1, December 21, 1985)

Bryan Ferry - Windswept (Polydor)

Bryan Ferry's always reminded me of an After Eight Mint: cool, dark, elegantly wrapped, the ideal way to end an evening. And "Windswept", like most of his songs, is an almost delicate wafer thin delight: all crisp, staccato guitars sashaying to and fro on a bed of swirling synthesizers and saxophones. Irresistable. (Peter Martin, Smash Hits, December 4, 1985)

Anya - Moscow Nights (Rocket)

Picture the scene: we're sitting in the boardroom of Elton John's record company, Rocket, and some bright spark has a birrofa brainwave...
"Remember that amazing blonde lady in the 'Nikita' vid? Ya? Well how about if we made that character, the Russian soldier, into a pop star? Crikey chaps, we could clean up!"
And so it came to pass that some poor video extra was shoved into a studio to make a thoroughly useless song about the "cold nights in Moscow", balalaikas a-rockin'. Bleeding capitalists. (Peter Martin, Smash Hits, December 4, 1985)

If this particular young woman hadn't been seen rolling her Thunderbird eyes and chewing her not inconsiderable bottom lip on Elton's "Nikita" video, chances are this record would have gone straight into the bin. What we have here is a clumsy rewrite of "Those Were The Days" which won the Eurovision Song Contest about 30 years ago. This sort of stuff is done better by the Two Ronnies. (Andy Strickland, Record Mirror, December 14, 1985)

Mathilde Santing - Our Days (WEA)

Mathilde is from Holland. She is what you call a chanteuse, that is, she bothers to sing rather than just bellow out of her lungs like a bullfrog. Her voice is light but possesses enough punch to avoid being maddeningly delicate. "Our Days" is a neat song and trips along quite jaunty and charming. I like it. (Adrian Tierney-Jones, No 1, November 16, 1985)

Hoodoo Gurus - Bittersweet (Chrysalis)

A rousing song packed with genuine energy by this up and coming "Phew! rock 'n' roll" band. With a vocalist who can sound like Paul King (when he wants to), they can't really go wrong, except for the fact that the 'Hoodoo' part of their silly name means 'bad luck bearer'. Eeek! (Sorrel Downer, Smash Hits, November 20, 1985)

 

The Associates - Take Me To The Girl (WEA)

Pleasant enough release with catchy, tinsel-town melody. Just the sort of song that I imagine Midge Ure doing. 'Cept if old Midge were to record "Take Me To The Girl" it'd be top of the pops for a month. Tough at the top, innit? (Mike Mitchell's Cat, Record Mirror, November 2, 1985)

Simply Red - Holding Back The Years (Elektra)

Without doubt the best thing to hit the charts this year, Simply Red release a third single from the Picture Book album and I think it's the best. Admittedly a voice like Mick Hucknall's can do little wrong but this searing ballad even outpoints "Money's Too Tight" in the soul stakes. My Only Fear is that a band with this much talent will become disillusioned with their lot and go the way of Level 42. (Mark Booker, No 1, November 9, 1985)

This has an uncanny resemblance to one of those two-chord ‘songs’ you had to endure between the hits on a Barry White album or on the B-Side of an Ace single. It starts and then finishes, with nothing of consequence between. (Mike Gardner, Record Mirror, November 9, 1985)

The two most admirable things about Simply Red are (1) Mick Hucknall's two-fingered attitude and (2) the white soul passion they inject. This plaintive, atmospheric little lament is quite touching but, alas, you can't whistle an attitude nor hum a passion whilst going about your business, so if they wish to move on up, Simply Red will have to learn to write some real tunes that stand up on their own. (Ian Cranna, Smash Hits, May 7, 1986)

Glenn Frey - You Belong To The City (MCA)

Another track from the Starsky And Hutch (or was it Miami Vice?) soundtrack, and to be honest I've had enough. "The Heat Is On" was definitely off, "Smuggler's Blues" should have been quarantined, and as for "You Belong To The City", well I'm defecting! (Mark Booker, No 1, November 9, 1985)

Here's Johnny - Idlewind (RCA)

Brilliant big band swing. A new number done in a period style, "Idlewind" was the original name of New York's famed airport. After John F Kennedy's assassination the whole shebang was renamed in honour of the much maligned president. The Americans named an airport after a politician, so why shouldn't this cute foursome name a song after an airport? Order a copy now. (Mike Mitchell's Cat, Record Mirror, November 2, 1985)

Black Lace - I Speaka Da Lingo (Priority)

They're back! It really must be summer if The Lace (as we fan club members call them) have deigned once more to enrich our lives with a new masterpiece. This classic track ain't just fabby for parties, it's also full of handy hints on how to deal with foreigners - y'know, lots of shouting and waving of arms and they're bound to understand. An added bonus to get the office really rocking is to be found on the 12-inch which features a Black Lace 'Megamix'. Fab! (Karen Swayne, No 1, August 31, 1985)

Oh God, where do they get them from? Where can I find an adjective that's not on the 'this is not a Record Mirror word' list I'll tell you what I think of it. They've printed the fan club address on the record sleeve (ha, ha), they've got to be joking - haven't they? (Diane Cross, Record Mirror, August 31, 1985)

Fatal Charm - King Of Comedy (Carrere)

Inspired by the film of the same name, starring Robert De Niro, although I don't see the connection. But this is uplifting stuff. The Nottingham three piece hit you from the word go with some potent guitar orientated hysteria - American style. Well worth a listen. (Ro Newton, No 1, May 11, 1985)

www.fatalcharm.co.uk

Marcel King - Reach For Love (New York Remix) (Factory)

A surprising release from Factory Records, and by 'eck it's a belter. A definite contender to New Order's "Blue Monday" for best dance record ever. Pulsating and irresistible. Play at maximum volume. (Ro Newton, No 1, May 11, 1985)

Animotion - Obsession (Polygram)

A top ten hit in the States, but the Americans never did have any taste. A catchy but unoriginal brand of synth-funk churned out by six rather wet looking people trying their best to appear as non-conformist as possible. Frankly, it doesn't wash. (Ro Newton, No 1, May 11, 1985)

Strawberry Switchblade - Who Knows What Love Is? (Korova)

Strawberry Switchblade have taken over from Bananarama as cutie pie press puppets with waspish tongues. Temporarily ensconced in the public eye, these girls can do no wrong. This is a gooey adolescent love song which lacks the catchiness of "Since Yesterday", although the trumpet playing is like a blast of fresh air. Full marks to the session musician. (Ro Newton, No 1, May 11, 1985)

A very pleasant ballad, but I can't help feeling that Strawberry Switchblade are deliberately aiming at the more mainstream pop market. Not that that's a bad thing - I just feel they could be really really interesting and obscure. (Stephen 'Tin Tin' Duffy, Smash Hits, May 8, 1985)

More breathy goo from the Scots duo. It's pleasant but only for those who sigh when they see the Andrex puppy nuzzling that rabbit on the advert - not realising he's only licking him to see whether he prefers it roasted or braised. (Mike Gardner, Record Mirror, May 11, 1985)

This record is mellow. It is for lazing around in the sun doing as little as possible to. The lyrics are great! With such lines as "I get myself a glass of milk and a colour magazine" they won't move the people to revolt, but they are about day-to-day happenings. (Simon O'Brien, Smash Hits, May 22, 1985)

Note: Simon O'Brien played Damon Grant in Channel 4's Brookside. Apparently.

Duran Duran - A View To A Kill (EMI)

After a six month breather, Duran follow in the footsteps of Shirley Bassey and Sheena Easton with a James Bond theme. Co-written by themselves and John Barry, the collaboration is obvious. This contains all Duran's stock ingredients - frenzied guitar and bass, but Bond-ised with tell-tale, dramatic bursts of brass. The dull drumbeat smacks of The Power Station... I Say it's time Simon Le Bon's vocals were laid to rest. (Ro Newton, No 1, May 11, 1985)

The lyrics to this are connected to the Bond film this forms the theme to, I presume, as they are a little oblique. Musically, it's also full of Bond allusions - full of seas of strings and brass stabs. Quite stunning production. Producer Bernard Edwards seems to have superceded Nile Rodgers in every direction. Takes a long time to get to the hook, but very interesting. (Stephen 'Tin Tin' Duffy, Smash Hits, May 8, 1985)

Those expecting a load of old Thunderballs will be surprised at this grower. Simon Le Bond - licensed to thrill - does his Bryan Ferry/David Sylvian impression on the best Bond theme since Carly Simon's "Nobody Does It Better". (Mike Gardner, Record Mirror, May 11, 1985)

Julian Cope - Sunspots (Mercury)

Poor old Julian. The Teardrop Explodes were the first of those Liverpool bands (Bunnymen, Wah!, etc.) to make the charts. They were also the first to go down the dumper and the singer has not exactly made a frantic success of his solo career since - though this is as much his fault as anyone else's: people who parade around with turtle shells strapped to their backs are bound to be thought slightly eccentric. The man remains however capable of making breathtaking records - like "Sunspots". This is a stern, strident and invigorating march through some lunatic wasteland where tinny guitars slash, people whistle out of tune and someone pipes up on a jaunty recorder during the most compulsive sway-along chorus (featuring heavenly celestial choir) since long before Foreigner. In other words utterly, utterly brilliant and Single Of The Fortnight. (Tom Hibbert, Smash Hits, February 14, 1985)

The ex-Teardrop Explodes' leader, who squatted naked under a turtle shell for his Fried album cover leaps out twanging furiously at his . . . erm .. guitar. "Sunspots" is Jules in determinedly hippie mood, recreating - in mock serious tones - a psychedelic stroll through the sunshine. Amusing lyric but a rather ragged and directionless song. He still needs the discipline of a band to channel his wayward talent. (Martin Townsend, No 1, February 23, 1985)

Julian Cope has obviously taken the paisley revival too far, and is now wearing a coat of far too many colours. This EP has two records, four tracks - three of which are new, and a gatefold sleeve, but surely Sunspots have fried his marbles. (Dylan Jones, Record Mirror, February 23, 1985)