David Bowie - Absolute Beginners (Virgin)

From the forthcoming film with Patsy Kensit, Sade and the man himself, the song "Absolute Beginners" sounds a bit like something David Bowie was singing 14 years ago. There's some gentle strumming guitar, a lot of "be ba bowoos" (presumably because the film is set in the late '50s) and a lavish string arrangement for good measure. It seems a bit bland and then you find yourself humming it for the next half hour. Mmmmm... (Simon Braithwaite, Smash Hits, February 12, 1986)

If you're surprised, how do you think I feel? Never would I have believed that after the last two travesties of albums from a one time mega-god, he'd come up with a song that again captures the sensuality and sleek perfection his name once stood for. Once more, Bowie discovers the allure of the flat note, the sneering attraction of his nasal passages as the purveyors of song, and - most of all - how downright loin-tingling out-of-tune sax can be. Of course, it sounds like "Heroes" - but when he croaks "I absolutely love you" he's teasing your emotions on a level no-one else can. An absolute divinity returns. Single Of The Week. (Eleanor Levy, Record Mirror, March 8, 1986)

Bowie goes all soft and smoochy for the long awaited theme song from the even longer awaited film. Considering the secrecy this little gem has been shrouded in (I personally had to sell my body and my soul to the devil to obtain a copy!) it's a bit of an anti-climax - at first. Three or four plays and you'll be hooked. Did I say it was soft? I meant soft like an iron fist in a velvet glove. (Pat Thomas, No 1, March 1, 1986)

Roman Holliday - Don't Try To Stop It (Jive)

George: My single of the week. It was a really pleasant surprise putting it on. Very lively, a good summer record and, with the right breaks, it should be a big hit. Well done. Andrew: The chorus has a really good hook and they've captured a bouncy uptempo beat which is just right for the summer. It sounds like a sophisticated JoBoxers. My favourite single of this bunch. (Wham!, Smash Hits, June 23, 1983)

John Foxx - Stars On Fire (Virgin)

Unlikely as it may sound, the man whose "Underpass" single inspired a generation to pick up a Casio synthesiser has ditched his robotic style for something altogether more human. That's not to say he sounds any better though. The keyboards are still in evidence, but his songwriting hasn't improved during his lay-off. Tell this Foxx to trot off. (Dave Ling, No 1, June 29, 1985)

You can't help feeling John has missed the boat. His time should have been at the turn of the decade when "Underpass" just about summed up that whole synthesiser sound around then. In truth, his work has improved a hundred-fold. This is an enjoyable, Beatles-ish song, but "Europe After The Rain" was better, and that failed to make him a star and I don't hold out much hope for this either. (Eleanor Levy, Record Mirror, June 29, 1985)

The Bluebells - All I Am (Is Loving You) (London)

You know that power chord in the Stones"Start Me Up"? Well, The Bluebells have revived it to great effect in a song which should stop those accusations of wimpiness. There's even a hint of Thin Lizzy (circa "Whisky In The Jar") plus a chorus so catchy you couldn't forget it if you wanted to. An unusual choice for a single, but a good one all the same, and there's a bonus for dedicated No.1 readers. . . play hunt Paul 'Young At Heart' Simper in the video (clue: he's the one bell-ringing at the front). (Karen Swayne, No 1, February 2, 1985)

The best youth club rock band in Glasgow, the beefed up Bay City Rollers, crack back with an intro nicked from the Stones' "Start Me Up", rhyme 'city' and 'pretty', then rock some more. Top 10 I'd warrant. (Jim Reid, Record Mirror, February 2, 1985)

Over And Out: A one off single following on from their 1984 LP Sisters, it would be their last single, although a revival of "Young At Heart" due to an ad campaign renewed interest in the band in the nineties. This single has never been released on CD.

The Icicle Works - Hollow Horse (Beggars Banquet)

Another splendid track from Liverpool's The Icicle Works. Neither "Birds Fly (A Whisper To A Scream)" nor "Love Is A Wonderful Colour" got the Top Ten placings they deserved. I was praying this wasn't going to be a disappointment and it's not. Distinctive, inventive and fresh sounding. Fingers crossed for a huge hit and definitely Single Of The Fortnight. (DJ Mike Read, Smash Hits, October 11, 1984)

I've always thought The Icicle Works tried a bit too much. Not so here, "Hollow Horse" is a roistering exercise in the big guitar coupled with a classic example of the 'northern' rock voice - epic spilling of emotion over a dirty old long mac. I'm surprised, I really like it.(Jim Reid, Record Mirror, October 6, 1984)

The Sound - Counting The Days (Statik)

A light, melodic piece of strummy pop which fairly races along and brings a smile to the lips. A lack of light and shade means it tends to wash over you rather than impress, but it's good. A hit. (Andy Strickland, Record Mirror, April 28, 1984)

Spandau Ballet - Through The Barricades (CBS)

After the initial rocking rowdiness of "Fight For Ourselves" the Spands have toned down a notch or two and produced a cool, calculatingly dreamy ballad. Here Tone's distinctive vocals tremble seductively as he finally gets to sing the type of irritating song mums and aunties will be turning the radio up for. In the background there's a smooth, sexy wailing sax, in the foreground, an alluringly gently-strummed guitar, both of which compliment big Tone's big voice a treat. Unadventurous but highly polished, this is very much a classic Spands release - a safe and a sure-fire hit. Just watch this glide effortlessly into the Top 40. (Anna Martin, No 1, November 1, 1986)

Here come Spandau Ballet sounding about as "profound" as Nick Berry and dressed with about as much style as Wicksey. And what a preposterous name for a song - even The Banned's Harry "Trotsky", who uses phrases like "selling out to the establishment", would hesitate before calling a song "Through The Barricades". What has happened to Spandau Ballet? I can remember when they used to make brilliant records like "Chant No. I ", wear dead smart gear and say things like: 'We want this band to be the most contemporary statement possible.' This is all about the troubles in Northern Ireland with references to being 'born on different sides of life' (Protestant and Catholic?) and 'making love on wasteland' all tinged with a vaguely Gaelic, acoustic feel. I'm sure it's all very sincere and significant - I just can't stand it. (Simon Mills, Smash Hits, October 22, 1986)

Colonel Abrams - I'm Not Gonna Let You (MCA)

For sheer cheek Colonel Abrams deserves some sort of prize with this one. It's such a blatant rip-off of his previous hit "Trapped" that you wonder why the record company bothered to release it in the first place. They may as well have just re-mixed "Trapped" and bunged that in the shops. A total, complete and utter swizzle. (Simon Braithwaite, Smash Hits, February 12, 1986)

Paul Haig - The Only Truth (Crepuscule)

Despite last year's excellent electronic sorties, Paul Haig songs have always lacked a certain something. Like Heaven 17 there's a certain human-ness missing - it's all a little too sharply cut. But getting in an outside agency, in the shape of New Order's Barney Albrecht, has lifted "The Only Truth" into the world of the living. And what is "The Only Truth"? 'The words of the song.' Ah, thanks Paul! (Paul Bursche, No 1, October 6, 1984)

Billy Joel - Uptown Girl (CBS)

As a songwriter Billy Joel is sometimes looked on a touch disdainfully for his late-night smoochers. But with the respect now granted fellow-Americans Hall & Oates and the evident fascination of Spandau's Gary Kemp with this soulful American pop, perhaps he ain't such a bad guy after all. That said this is truly abysmal. (Paul Simper, No 1, October 1, 1983)

Owen Paul - One World (Epic)

1986's Nik Kershaw, Owen Paul's recent success continues to elude me... Is it due to the boyishly cute looks (he reminds me of a cross between Pat and Damon Grant from Brookside!), the way he casually cocks his guitar to one side when he dances or the blatantly twee lyrics he enthusiastically sings? I'm none the wiser. This single merely echoes the previous two, in that it's equally irritatingly catchy and looks destined to receive a mega bout of radio airplay, and with it possible chart success. However, it really is high time the real Nik Kershaw stepped forward. (Anna Martin, No 1, November 1, 1986)

Midge Ure - Wastelands (Chrysalis)

Pretty heavy stuff here as our Midge unfolds some of the horrors of 1980's Britain. Now, normally with Midge Ure this means not finding the right size Yamomoto jacket, but this time it refers to some of Britain's urban "wastelands" and the miseries of living there. Starts with a solitary cello and builds itself into a crashing crescendo of every instrument they could find in the ruddy studio. (Simon Braithwaite, Smash Hits, February 12, 1986)

'The boy is listening to those records from the past. . . They are the voices of the faces on the wall. . . One day he even cut their names upon his skin, they mean that much to him'. . Will anyone ever cut Midge Ure's name on their skin? For ten years he's shown a remarkable gift of survival, being in most of the right places at the right time with Slik, Rich Kids, Ultravox, Band Aid . . . but he's never been the sort of pop star a fan could die for, despite his likeable personality, powerful music and ever-changing facial hair. In fact, of course, the likeability and facial hair have always worked against Midge's music. Nobody ever took him seriously like they did, say, Gary Numan (to whom facial hair and likeability are equal sins) - which is no doubt why Midge has lasted longer. No one felt let down when Midge stopped acting like a Viennese aristocrat (unlike Numan's fans, who ditched him the day they realised he wasn't a robot after all). Anyway, sometimes he makes jolly good records like "Dancing With Tears In My Eyes", and sometimes he doesn't. "Wastelands" is Midge at his most pompous, but as long as being a No.1 solo artist doesn't go to his head, fair enough. (Phil McNeill, No 1, February 8, 1986)

Howard Jones - No One Is To Blame (WEA)

Move over Sigue Sigue Sputnik! Howard Jones never had to be hyped or wear fishnet tights over his head to get noticed. He just wrote brilliant songs - like this one. And he's had a spot of help with this reworked version of "No One Is To Blame" by a man who needs no introduction - Mr Phil Collins - who plays drums, sings and produces. This is a rich and romantic, arm-waving toe-tapping ballad that could give Ho-Jo (as we call him in the trade) his first Number One. And if it doesn't - I wanna know why! 5/5 (Debbi Voller, No 1, March 8, 1986)

The credit speaks a 1,000 words. "Produced by Phil Collins and Hugh Padgham." You expect 'slick' and slick is what you get. Less offensively happy than some of Howard's past offerings, he even
sounds like vintage Elton John in parts, which can't be bad. One for mums and dads I think, and those who still believe in Father Christmas. (Eleanor Levy, Record Mirror, March 8, 1986)

Undoubtedly the best Howard Jones song since "Hide & Seek". Taken from the Dream Into Action album, this recording (produced by Phil Collins) sounds a bit like an early Elton John ballad, just some light piano and a few guitars. It's nice to see that old Howie has given up trying to save the world and is now concentrating on writing better songs.  (Simon Braithwaite, Smash Hits, February 12, 1986)

Amazulu - Things The Lonely Do (Island)

If Amazulu's last single was an embarrassing attempt at doing Mrs Mills in a reggae stylee, this is another nail in the coffin of a once promising band. Even a lazy, hypnotic sax solo fails to save this slow, pretty but empty-headed song. One day, there'll be a female group who won't be made to look stupid by the men they sign their careers away to. (Eleanor Levy, Record Mirror, March 8, 1986)

A bouncy, mellow reggae ballad that shows off vocalist Anne-Marie's rich and husky voice to the full. It's much lazier than "Excitable" but lacks none of the bite and I predict a hit. Good to see some female bands back in the charts again - oops! Sorry Nardo - Amazulu do of course have one male member. 3/5 (Debbi Voller, No 1, March 8, 1986)

Hollywood Beyond - What's The Colour Of Money? (WEA)

If you can imagine a troupe of rampaging Apache Indians whooping, yelping and doing an Irish Reel then you'll roughly have the feel of this. It's infinitely hummable, quite irresistible and even has very nice cover. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 2, 1986)

Perky, everything-but-the-kitchen-sink mix of pop styles, culminating in some very positive HM chording. Tumbled along by some cute military style drumming, this is cynical and clever - clever enough to win plenty of airplay. (Jim Reid, Record Mirror, June 28, 1986)

Doctor And The Medics - Spirit In The Sky (IRS)

Spirited and vibrant in mood and appearance - just like the Medics really - this colourfully animated sound gives you all you could possibly want or expect from a single (plus a free full-colour fold-out picture bag no less!). Soulful, haunting backing vocals quiver in joyous unison as the Norman Greenbaum classic is covered with sheer complimentary aplomb by the good doctor. To betaken twice daily - at least. 5/5 (Anna Martin, No 1, May 10, 1986)

The Fink Brothers - Mutants In Mega-City One (Zarjazz)

A fantasy piece based on the 2000 A.D. comic (see page 16) which finds Suggs and Carl from Madness being very indulgent. Not being au fait with 'the story so far', I find it all a bit confusing - amidst lots of chaotic funkiness we meet about 137 characters in 3 minutes. Nevertheless I can't stop singing the bit which goes 'When mutants are waiting on every corner/ Remember to call for Judge Dredd', much to the amusement of my friends. (Chris Heath, Smash Hits, January 31, 1985)

The strange world of The Fink Brothers is dominated by Judge Dredd. He's the enemy who, along with the other norms, won't allow mutants like The Brothers into Mega-City One. They're so upset they've written a song about it. Confused? You won't be if you're a fan of the comic strip in 2000AD. You might be if you're a Madness fan though, because in amongst the garbled funk are Suggs and Carl as you've never heard them before. This is a truly weird record, which you'd do well to learn to love.. . mutes can do very nasty things to norms. (Karen Swayne, No 1, February 2, 1985)

Carl and Suggs leave the mature mellow of Madness for a real tour into teen takeaway. Thus you get a pleasingly ham exposition of hip hop cliches set in praise of their favourite comic, 2000 AD. Everything but the kitchen sink and not bad on it, save the, laboured chorus. (Jim Reid, Record Mirror, February 2, 1985)

Killing Joke - Love Like Blood (EG)

At last! After five years making exactly the same record - deafening drums and guitar, a tuneless vocal - Killing Joke have actually written a song. It's not a very good one, and unfortunately the swish production does let us confirm for the first time what a load of twaddle their lyrics are. Nevertheless, it's a start. (Chris Heath, Smash Hits, January 31, 1985)

Killing Joke used to make great records. Then singer Jaz Coleman took an extended holiday in Iceland and things fell apart. "Love Like Blood" starts with a big build-up, but then goes on to . . . not much. It all sounds far too smooth and compact. They just can't seem to capture the feeling anymore. (Ursula Kenny, No 1, February 9, 1985)

The Blue Nile - Stay (Virgin)

The Blue Nile are a band I know absolutely nothing about but I'll be listening out for them in the future. I think this is probably their debut single and it sounds as if it's been influenced by Talking Heads. An hypnotic bassline drives the verse into a catchy chorus. Good single. (Dave Gahan, Smash Hits, April 26, 1984)

A very pretty first release by some young Scottish chaps who, if their plain white record cover is anything to go by, aren't giving away too much about themselves. This is refreshing and perfectly sensible, since the music speaks for itself, It's gentle, not too busy and topped off with a vocal borrowed from an American singer-songwriter - the sensitive '70s kind. No, I like it, honest! Discovery of the week. (Sunie, No 1, April 21, 1984)

Dolly Parton - Here You Come Again (RCA)

There's a line in this that goes 'better than a body has a right to be', and folding out the full colour poster sleeve you get a good demonstration. It really is a wonderful song, you can't really like it but you do. There's a couple of Barry Manilow songs that are such good songs in terms of structure and melody, and this is one of them. I'd buy it for the poster meself, it's got class. We were trying to get her to cover one of our songs, we wanted her to do a country version of "Karma", but whether she'll get round to it I don't know. It'd be great. (Roy Hay [Culture Club], Record Mirror, March 17, 1984)

A timely re-release of this hit from '77, as Dolly popped up on TV only last Saturday in the excellent 9 To 5. There's something remarkably attractive about Dolly's confident Tennessee voice and this is as good a time to get to know it as any. (Paul Simper, No 1, March 17, 1984)

King - Love & Pride (CBS)

This lot were once briefly touted by the inkier side of the pop press as the next new something or other. They don't look or sound like it on the strength of this single. Judging by the cover, their image is based on Wayne from Auf Wiedersehen Pet, and the music's more or less like Fashion's - modern and anonymous. (Sunie, No 1, April 21, 1984)

I don't know much about this band but I find the tune very instant. After a few plays I flip over to find that the B-side has a rough edge the A-side doesn't. I'm afraid "Don't Stop" turns me on and "Love & Pride" doesn't. (Dave Gahan, Smash Hits, April 26, 1984)

Two People - Rescue Me (Polydor)

Wet, dreamy pop didn't exactly catch on last year, as The Lotus Eaters will testify. Perhaps it brings out that spiteful streak in all of us that despises anything so blatantly soft. That said, this is a gem. It sets out to be nothing more than an admirably crafted, lovingly performed pop song. And succeeds. There's hope for the dreamers yet. Single of the week. (Paul Bursche, No 1, February 16, 1985)

Simply Red - Money's Too Tight To Mention (Elektra)

A cover version of a rather obscure but hipper-than-hip song by the Valentine Brothers that first surfaced a couple of summers ago. Simply Red couldn't have chosen a better showcase for their obvious talents - social-comment lyrics attacked by really excellent soul vocals, making a record that's understated but powerful, and impossible to resist. Fitting loosely into the Working Week/ Sade school of new jazz/soul, Simply Red are definitely a name to watch out for. Joint Single Of The Fortnight. (Maureen Rice, Smash Hits, June 5, 1985)

The much discussed Simply Red (i.e. much discussed in three London hostelries), a combo of indistinct heritage and no discernable talent have possibly made the greatest initial career blunder ever. Did no-one tell these poor wide eyed terrors that freshly scrubbed little white boy pop groups just do not attempt covers of mighty black dance discs - especially not those of the frightful might of the Valentine Brothers' "Money's Too Tight To Mention"? Apparently not. (Graham K Smith, Record Mirror, June 15, 1985)

Simply Red, who were no doubt signed to Elektra for a princely sum, debut here with a cover of the Valentine Brothers song about being borassic! (Look it up!) Strange that. As white soul goes this is plain fare. If Kane Gang and Bronski Beat make you splash the cash then step right on up. A fool and his money? It's alright really but some of that advance wouldn't go amiss lads, money being in such short supply. Oops, wasn't supposed to mention that. (Max Bell, No 1, June 22, 1985)

The Bangles - Walk Like An Egyptian (CBS)

Actually we reviewed this single in the last issue of Smash Hits and it got a bit of a "thumbs down". However, an error of monstrous proportions had taken place. The reviewer was listening to the wrong side of the record which isn't very good at all and so rightfully received a drubbing. The A side is really much, much better. Brilliant in fact. Probably the best song that The Bangles have ever done. It's a sublimely addictive piece of nonsense verse that jumps about all over the shop with this sort of imitation Middle Eastern melody. One takes "Walk Like An Egyptian" to be a reference to the ancient heiroglyphics on the pyramids in which blokes are pictured with their heads and hands at funny angles. Honorary Second Single Of The Fortnight. (William Shaw, Smash Hits, September 24, 1986)

Let's look at the cover of this one. Poor old Susanna still hasn't found a blouse and the others (whatever their names are) haven't found a comb/decent dress designer/shower (delete where applicable). For me the Bangles are the non-event of the century and this record smacks of gimmickry. Which came first, the record or the marketing campaign? 2/5 (Pat Thomas, No 1, September 6, 1986)

Freeez - Pop Goes My Love (Beggars Banquet)

After the exhilarating "IOU" this is at first something of a disappointment. Pop has gone their music, their groove and their special effects. But once you've got over this sharp turn about the record reveals a lovely melody - stealing smartly from the Human League's Dare LP. Thinking back to this band's one-hit-wonder status with "Southern Freeez", a couple of years ago, they must have been having kittens about a follow-up to "IOU" but with 'Pop' Freeez should snuggle back (nicely) into the charts. (Paul Simper, No 1, October 1, 1983)

To someone who wore out at least three pairs of pumps dancing to "IOU" this summer, this comes as a bit of a let down. Arthur Baker's usual production job can't make a great record out of a weak song, but it still manages to get the feet popping. (Andy Strickland, Record Mirror, October 1, 1983)

Josh Yarlog takes over: "Katanga, my friends! This is a single in need of a song. All these bloomin' sound effects. Kubindi, it's turned my head into swamp mush."  (Lenny Henry, Smash Hits, September 29, 1983)

INXS - The One Thing (Mercury)

Listening to this makes you realise how few new groups have any simple old fashioned energy. This is not the greatest song in the world but INXS go for it as if it were their one and only chance of making a record, selling it with enormous zest and lots of concise instrumental fills (there's even a guitar riff in there, but I wouldn't spread it about). "The One Thing" doesn't really sound like anyone else at all, which is recommendation enough these days. Single Of The Fortnight. (David Hepworth, Smash Hits, September 15, 1983)

Cindy & The Saffrons - Terry (RCA)

If Terry were still alive, perhaps he could rev up the old bike and run down those responsible for this faithful remake of Twinkle's moment of glory. Nearly 20 years later and they still manage to leave out any irony. (Mark Cooper, Record Mirror, April 16, 1983)

You'll know this '60s classic; it's all about a guy called Terry who drives off in a huff on his motorbike and snuffs it, then hangs around the gates of heaven for the girl that put him there in the first place. Cindy herself is better known as Joanne Whalley, and has done much on TV, stage and screen. Sung in true '60s style, but I wonder if this song is just too familiar to storm the charts. (Debbi Voller, No 1, May 14, 1983)

Human League - The Lebanon (Virgin)

Long time no hear, and it's a pretty heavy subject. A rousing chorus and a snappy guitar riff (that reminds me somewhat of the Banshees) go together to make a big hit. (Dave Gahan, Smash Hits, April 26, 1984)

Heavier than the League's last couple of singles. Jo Callis rediscovers his guitar and adds a U2/Public Image riff to the normal synth and deep throat backing. It's a grower, but politics and pop don't mix, so I'm told. (Andy Strickland, Record Mirror, April 28, 1984)

It's hardly fair that The Human League should be criticised for making their records so slowly, since no one gave them a time limit in the first place. On the other hand. . . AND ABOUT TIME TOO!! 1984's Human League has a harder (as in rock) sound and it's mirrored by their lyrics. "I must be dreaming/It can't be true," says Phil Oakey of the Lebanese war, and he could just as easily be talking about the Libyan siege in London. This isn't too jolly, and some might say The Human League should keep their noses out of politics. I bet Phil's got an answer for that one too. (Paul Simper, No 1, April 28, 1984)

Big Self - Ghost Shirts (Reekus)

Starts off like Joy Division, has the pumping, big noise of a ZTT release . . . and still doesn't work. "Ghost Shirts" is about someone who's had it up to here with his girlfriend and now her insults just go straight through him. A good idea, but the song gets lost in its own smugness. (Paul Bursche, No 1, March 24, 1984)

The Bolshoi - A Way (Beggars Banquet)

In these days of increasing musical mimicry it's pleasing to see a young band attempting to do their own thing, Marquee regulars The Bolshoi are one such a group. Admittedly there's a sprinkling of Simple Minds, U2 and a host of influences fighting to get out, but they don't override what the Bolshoi are trying to get across. An interesting hotchpotch of ideas, but hardly Top Fifty fodder. But with experience and application, who knows? (Dave Ling, No 1, April 26, 1986)

The Go Hole - Flight Of Angels (Big Pop)

Manic pop frenzy with more than a hint of early Beatles and just a twist of Manchester's seminal Distractions. It's nice to hear London boys sounding so cheerful, though Lord knows what they've got to smile about, I mean have you seen the price of houses? They have the exuberance and melody of the Housemartins, but replace the sixth form humour with a touch more conviction and emotion. The name's a bit puzzling. I'm sure it's rude, but then again it could be my cynicism creeping in again. (Kevin Murphy, Record Mirror, September 19, 1987)

Timbuk 3 - The Future's So Bright I've Gotta Wear Shades (IRS)

Don't let the title, which is a bit of a mouthful, put you off. This is brilliant, clever and downright catchy. This husband and wife team from Texas prove that not all American musicians are sheep. Pat MacDonald and Barbara K go their own way and the result is the funniest, most positive and original debut in ages. Makes you feel good just thinking about playing it. The perfect antidote to a dismal couple of weeks. (Pat Thomas, No 1, January 31, 1987)

Horrible old hippies with a whacky little number that I find infuriatingly catchy. (Nancy Culp, Record Mirror, January 31, 1987)

Hugh Cornwell - Facts And Figures (Virgin)

A Strangler alone with a song from the film soundtrack of When The Wind Blows. A simple almost childlike little tune which, were it not for a mean bit of boogie piano by that foul mouthed ogre of children's telly, Jools Holland, wouldn't be out of place on Play School. It purports to question the way that facts and figures are bandied about by both sides in the nuclear debate. While I have no qualms with the motives or the integrity of the artists involved, these sort of songs which attack familiar issues without offering anything in the way of an answer really get on my wick. Expect some great intellect like Gary Davies to play it and then say something uninspiring like 'A message we should all pay attention to'. No thanks. (Pat Thomas, No 1, January 31, 1987)

JoBoxers - Jealous Love/She's Got Sex (RCA)

"She's Got Sex" is a seedy tale of the JoBoxers' ideal woman. The usual foot stompin' has been replaced by a snappy toe tappin' beat and it's easily their worst single yet. (Peter Martin, Smash Hits, October 27, 1983)

This group said right from the beginning that they'd be bringing out singles that were completely different from each other, and this double A-side proves they weren't joking. What you - the record buying public - will make of 'Jealous Love', could go either way. It's a thumping good ballad with Dig's voice at its finest, but no way can they be trying to be commercial. 'She's Got Sex' is about a girl who wants 'it' all the time, but doubtless the BBC will play none of 'that' on their precious airwaves! (Debbi Voller, No 1, October 29, 1983)

Their Braces are getting frayed and their boots are just beginning to leak. JoBoxers slide off the waterfront as the charts become increasingly apathetic. A slowie with a powerful chorus but I just can't help feeling that Billy Joel could have done this revamp a lot better. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, October 29, 1983)

Rose Of Avalanche - Too Many Castles In The Sky (Fire)

They do say that, on a murky night in Leeds the ghosts of the '70s prowl and you can hear squealing guitars, a low-slung, sleazy beat and a ghostly singer a-sneerin'. They're right! Eat your hearts out, The Cult - this is how it's done. (Ian Cranna, Smash Hits, May 7, 1986)

The Blow Monkeys - It Doesn't Have To Be This Way (RCA)

Dr Robert can barely be forgiven for desecrating the memory of "Brief Encounter" on father week's The Tube, and can be forgiven even less for soiling my ears with this Kid Creole-meets-the-Style Council-and-produces-the-aural-equivalent-of-rubber-coated-marshmallows. Go boil your brains, young man, and come back when you've stopped trying to be either Marc Bolan or a venerable Sixties soul legend (preferably deceased). (Nancy Culp, Record Mirror, January 31, 1987)

Very reminiscent of "Digging Your Scene" - and this is not a bad thing. The irrepressible and slightly weird Dr Robert has once again come up with the goods. Jaunty, jangly, jazzy and more besides. Slowly this group is carving a niche for itself. I reckon we best get used to them as they intend to be around for a while. (Pat Thomas, No 1, January 31, 1987)

Note: Prophetic words from Pat. Thirty years later, The Monkeys are still going strong.

New Order - State Of The Nation (Factory)

A double A-side, presumably to appease those who'd given up on New Order releasing another record. 'State' and 'Shame' are actually different versions of the same song with 'Shame' by far the more dramatic of the two. Guitars growl, pianos shriek and all the while a muted synthesised dance beat rumbles on. Not the most dynamic thing they've ever done but at least it doesn't sound like Jam & Lewis. (Paul Simper, No 1, September 20, 1986)

Feargal Sharkey - Listen To Your Father (Zarjazz)

As Madness' own pop matures into a deeper, at times mournful, reflection on folk and their funny ways, so the first release on their own label spins an altogether different story. A Carl Smythe tune, "Listen To Your Father" is the 4-4 stomp of early Madness without the winning melody and hook lines. Sharkey's voice isn't well served by the brassy jolting action. The Ulsterman deserves a more restrained treatment than this methinks. (Jim Reid, Record Mirror, October 6, 1984)

Although written by Madness, this song wasn't really considered suitable for the boys to record. So Feargal has the honour of singing it for the first ever release on Madness' own label. It's not a brilliant song but its sheer stomping, foot-tapping brightness almost guarantees Fergy a hit. (Paul Bursche, No 1, October 6, 1984)

This man has got one of the best voices around - yearning, plaintive and woefully sweet. I'm not ashamed to admit that, when performing The Undertones' perfect pop songs, he could bring a tear to my eye. What, then, is he doing on this foul pub-rock thingy? It sounds as if Chas 'N' Dave are in there somewhere. A terrible waste! I had to go and play a few Undertones records to console myself after listening to this. (Vici MacDonald, Smash Hits, September 27, 1984)


Note: Madness were obviously fans of cult UK comic 2000 A.D. Not only did they name their label after a made up word (roughly equivalent to 'awesome') from the comic but they also released a side single in 1985 under the name Fink Brothers celebrating 2000 A.D. law legend Judge Dredd, called "Mutants In Mega City One".

R.E.M. - Don't Go Back To Rockville (IRS)

American pop is enjoying something of a renaissance at present with bands like R.E.M. and Jason & The Scorchers. 'Rockville' is anytown USA, a dismal, homely place to be until the local neighbourhood garage band come along and blow it up. Michael Stipe's dreamy country twang carries the day without persuading me that R.E.M. are about to break down any British prejudices and storm our charts. (Max Bell, No 1, June 16, 1984)

David Bowie - When The Wind Blows (Virgin)

Taken from the forthcoming film soundtrack of When The Wind Blows (which also features Hugh Cornwell, Paul Hardcastle, Genesis and Squeeze) Bowie's vocal performance is at his usual high peak. Why he should suddenly get the urge to sing on every available soundtrack remains a bit of a mystery to me though. But then again, this is pleasant enough, although not exactly what you might call potential chart material. Be interesting to see how it fares. (Anna Martin, No 1, November 1, 1986)

"Bowie" has become very accessible over the past few years, hasn't he? It seems that nowadays he'll do a duo with any doddery old pop star or write a soundtrack for or "star" in more or less any old film that comes along. I wonder if people still see him as a "style guru" and search through his lyrics for hidden meanings? Probably not. But having said that, "When The Wind Blows", from the soundtrack of an excellent animated film about a nuclear war which is based on the book of the same name, is rather grand and has a nice "classical" feel to it. Well! (Simon Mills, Smash Hits, October 22, 1986)

I-Level - In The River (Virgin)

Lithe, funky pop from an outfit who are well overdue for a taste of the charts. Smart and sophisticated, it's also a damn sight more listenable than a lot of the stuff that's littering up the dance floor these days. You certainly couldn't break-dance to it. But then what kind of a person wants to spend their life spinning on their back? Quick, the next single - I feel a Joan Collins joke coming on... (Sunie, No 1, June 9, 1984)

Tina Turner - What's Love Got To Do With It (Capitol)

Well, it looks as if the Tina Turner revival was a flash in a well preserved pan. At a complete loss for a follow-up to "Let's Stay Together" she first tried a dreadful Beatles cover, and now here's a piece of limp reggae pop. The next move may well be an attempt to jump on the breakers bandwagon - careful Tina, a fracture could prove troublesome at your age. Perhaps you'd better apply to The Smiths for your next new lease of life. (Sunie, No 1, June 9, 1984)

She still looks fantastic (he sighs). Don't like it, I'm afraid. It reminds me of Marianne Faithfull. It's like an out-take from her Dangerous Acquaintances LP. I'm disappointed. Where's the raunchola this week? (John Taylor, Smash Hits, June 21, 1984)

Immaculate Fools - Never Give Less Than Everything (A&M)

It's very David Bowie, very, who was it?... I've got brain death here ... "Heartbeat" ... ah, The Psychedelic Furs! I like the song, I like the idea of never giving less than everything and I like the cover. The Immaculate Fools haven't had a big hit yet have they? They really deserve to with this, but it probably won't be the way things run. I love this, it gets better as it goes on. Easily the best single. (Johnny Logan, No 1, May 30, 1987)

Freur - Runaway (CBS)

The boys with the silly rune for a name have an immaculately produced single but no real song to hang it on. It's just a riff padded out with none of the flair of their "Doot Doot" hit. (Mike Gardner, Record Mirror, September 3, 1983)

So they've finally abandoned the profoundly dumb ploy of being The Band With A Squiggle Instead Of A Name. Now maybe a few people will listen to their music instead of dismissing them out of hand (as I previously did). They're not a bad group in a mannered kind of way and this has a strong folksy kind of tune. But their haircuts are an offence against decent folk everywhere. (David Hepworth, Smash Hits, September 15, 1983)

Birch And Hallam - What You Say (A&M)

Two lads that sound like a firm of lawyers, by name, if not by music. Perhaps they should get a third cohort, one with a name like Jones. Then they could sound like estate agents. Birch, Hallam and Jones. The tune itself has the kind of synth line OMD once aspired to and a breathless vocal that is a little too breathless for its own good. File under 'Eager To Please'. (Mark Cooper, No 1, June 11, 1983)

Oh gawd, not another pretty duo I groan. But wait, this is different. While some of the others have limp wrists B & H have a firm handshake leading you through particularly effervescent themes and stark lyrics. Impressive debut. Buy it. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, June 18, 1983)

Chris Sievey - Camouflage (EMI)

Mr Sievey was responsible for the greatest single title of the last five years, namely "I'm In Love With The Girl From The Manchester Virgin Megastore Check-Out Desk". Now the old trickster is resorting to records that play computer games on video screens. Unfortunately he spent so much money on the game that he had to record the single in his garden shack. One for lovers of new technology everywhere. Now where did I put that electric bookmarker. . .? (Mark Cooper, No 1, June 11, 1983)

Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) (Arista)

I don't like the photograph on the cover. She's very beautiful, but so over made up. I don't like this song at all, it takes a real dive after the intro and it's even worse than Pepsi and Shirlie. It's so predictable I can sing the chorus before she gets to it, her A&R man should be taken out and strung up. Whitney's got a great voice, but it's so wasted on this kind of thing. The most disappointing single of the week. The worst actual song. (Johnny Logan, No 1, May 30, 1987)

No surprises here as the Great Whitney Houston announces her return from a long lay-off with her usual brilliant singing and a tune that is less immediately gripping than "How Will I Know" but which gets better with every play. Welcome back, ma'am! (Barry McIlheney, Smash Hits, May 20, 1987)

Club Nouveau - Jealousy (WEA)

Nothing at all like the smash "Lean On Me" but, funnily enough, very similar to a hit from last year, "Rumours", by the Timex Social Club. Which - zings! - is not too surprising when you learn that Jay King, the man behind Club Nouveau, was formerly the man behind Timex Social Club... The squabbling between the two camps appears to be carried on in "Jealousy" which sounds like a bit of a dig from Mr King at his old partners and all of this will no doubt become even more public when this follows "Lean On Me" into the flingaway charts. Gentlemen p-lease! (Barry McIlheney, Smash Hits, May 20, 1987)

An obviously American single, it sounds like a hit from the start. I love that Sly and Robbie single,it's got such an atmosphere although it took me two or three times to get into it. Club Nouveau aren't in the same class though. I'm sure they sampled exactly the same drums off the last one and stuck it in here. I can see this being big in the discotheques. I like going to the clubs myself especially if
there's Robert Palmer, Go West, or anything with a bit of meat playing. (Johnny Logan, No 1, May 30, 1987)